The Running of the Brides

Put the Gown Down Now ... Before Someone Gets Hurt

First there's the Running of the Bulls in Pamplona. The runners dash forward, heads turning wildly, desperately trying to stay alert and focus on what's happening around them. Each section of the run is different and each has its own unique dangers. It's mad and frantic, and it's over before you know it. Surviving the race requires stamina, determination and nerve. Some emerge from the race with a sense of adventure and accomplishment. Others leave bruised, battered and thankful to be alive (remember Billy Crystal in City Slickers?)

And then there's the Running of the Brides, the World Famous Bridal Event that takes place every year at Filene's Basement. Since 1947, brides-to-be and their hovering mothers have lined up as early as 3am for the chance to rush the store and rummage through racks upon racks of designer wedding gowns, hoping to find their dream dress for a drastically low price.

How does it work? Filene's buyers stockpile excess merchandise from a variety of sources (cancellations, samples, returns, overstock, etc.) When the buyers have accumulated anywhere from 1,500-3,000 gowns, depending on the store, they set a date for the sale and price all gowns at $249, $499 or $699. All the original price tags remain on the gowns (anywhere from $900-$9,000) so you can instantly calculate your savings. (The best bargain in Feline's history was a gown originally priced at $10,000 that went for $199!)

Like the Running of the Bulls, this is one of the most thrilling and unusual pastimes I've ever heard of. The girls rush into the store, frantically trying to stay focused amidst the surrounding chaos and ready to throw down, if necessary, for the dress. Each section of the store has its own challenges. It could be a pushy mother-of-the-bride willing to body-check you to get the A-line you're blocking. Or perhaps a maid-of-honor calling for reinforcements because she wants the ball gown in your pile. Or maybe even the bride-to-be herself demanding you surrender the very mermaid gown you're wearing. Or else. Some girls are just not cut out for this kind of drama and jump ship early on. The lucky ones emerge with the dress. Sadly, others leave bruised, battered and worst of all, empty-handed. This is not for the fainthearted, but oh the reward.

"Over time, a unique trading strategy has evolved. Any gowns that are rejected by the bride are 'shopped' around to the various groups looking for fresh merchandise. This can get complex--one trade could involve multiple transactions. For instance, bride #1 wants a gown that bride #2 has, so she offers a gown in trade; #2 has her eye on a gown being held by bride #3, so she sends bride #1 to negotiate with bride #3. Often you'll see helpers making their way through the crowd holding signs that read "size 10 - 12 in ivory" or "simple size 20 wanted."

Think you can handle it? The rummaging? The bartering? The body checking? Here are a few tips from Jaime Lee Event Planning to ensure you have the best possible experience:

1. Arrive Early: The doors officially open at 8am, but the line starts forming hours before. The hard-core bargain hunters even arrive the day before and bring lawn chairs and sleeping bags.
2. Bring a Team and Make Sure They Are Easily Identifiable: Your chances of success will increase exponentially with each team member. And make sure you can recognize each other easily. Team colors, uniforms and hats are very common, and some teams even use walkie-talkies or whistles to signal one another (Remember the girls on Friends
3. Dress Comfortably: You will try on lots of dresses. Tank tops, sports bras, leotards and sweatpants work best for rapid undressing amidst utter chaos.
4. Leave Your Purse at Home: It will slow you down. This is the perfect opportunity to sport that fanny pack you have hidden away in your closet.
5. Grab and Go: When the doors open, your team should be prepared to grab as many wedding gowns as possible in the first several minutes. Once the racks are emptied the place turns into a colossal swap meet. The more dresses you score up front, the better your chances of swapping for the dress.
6. Be Open Minded: With these awesome prices, leave no stone unturned. Try on dresses you might normally overlook. You may be surprised.
7. Bring a Mirror: The situation is far from ideal, but it will give you a sense of whether the gown is flattering and help you decide whether to hold onto a dress or trade up. It's nearly impossible to snag time in front of the store's full-length mirrors.
8. Be Courteous: This event can bring out the worst in people - pushing, elbowing, hoarding, and so on. Try to remain civilized. Everyone there wants the same thing. If you help someone, they might help you.
9. If You Love It, Buy It: This is a one-day event, so if you find a spectacular gown you love, don't waste time - run straight to the register. When you announce you've found the one, you might even receive applause from the crowd (a brief applause of course - there's work to be done.) That being said, keep in mind that they will not accept returns.
10. Have Fun!

The sale is held in selected Filene's Basement stores once a year (twice a year in Boston.) For those in the DFW area, Atlanta is the closest. You can get roundtrip airfare for around $230, which is most definitely worth the trip. Just think, if you save money on your gown, you can invite more people to see you wear it!

Check out the dates below if you think you have what it takes:

• February 20th in Boston, MA (Hynes Convention Center)
  
• February 27th in New York, NY (Union Square)
  
• March 20th in Atlanta, GA (Buckhead)
  
• April 3rd in Washington, D.C. (Rockville, MD)
  
• July 24th in Chicago, IL (State Street)
  
• July 31st Washington, D.C. (Mazza Gallerie)
  
• August 21st in Boston, MA (Hynes Convention Center)
  
• October 16th in Cleveland, OH (Warrensville Heights)
  

"When I had this garden party for my father's birthday right? I said R.S.V.P. because it was a sit-down dinner. But people came that like, did not R.S.V.P. so I was like, totally buggin'. I had to haul ass to the kitchen, redistribute the food, squish in extra place settings, but by the end of the day t was, like, the more the merrier ..."

It's probably happened to you at some point and, like Cher, you made the best of it and things turned out just fine. But I keep hearing more and more these days that hosts are not receiving firm R.S.V.P.'s for their events and it's causing unnecessary hassles for those who are kind enough to extend invitations. Among many headaches are difficulty in planning food quantities, uncertainty over the number of party favors and difficulties in planning appropriate seating, just to name a few. If R.S.V.P. is written on an invitation, it means the invited guest or guests must tell the host whether or not they plan to attend the party. It does not mean respond only if you're coming. It does not mean respond only if you're not coming. It means the host needs a definite head count for the planned event, and needs it by the date specified on the invitation. The Emily Post Institute says R.S.V.P.ing is the most important responsibility guests have, and not following through is inexcusably lazy, thoughtless and rude. For a bride trying to plan a wedding, it can be her worst nightmare. The cost of everything increases exponentially with the guest list.

The R.S.V.P. blow-off is a frustrating anomaly in the world of entertaining. R.S.V.P.ing is not complicated; "It's a two-part process. I invite you, you tell me if you're coming," says the author of "The Everything Etiquette Book: A Modern-Day Guide to Good Manners. "I have no idea what your social calendar is like. I'm not a mind reader. I'm just trying to throw a party." Also worth noting is the R.S.V.P. fake-out. If you tell a host you are attending an event, barring serious illness or Acts of God, you are obligated to attend. Blowing off an event you've committed to for a "better" one or because you're too tired is unacceptable. It's disrespectful. It's an abuse of the host's time, money and effort. And it's just plain rude. (I hate to betray my own generation, but I see this extremely often among my age group and it's absolutely infuriating.)

In short, there's no excuse for not R.S.V.P.ing. Those whom you've disrespected will absolutely remember your R.S.V.P. habits (and tell everyone who will listen), and eventually, if not immediately, you will be blacklisted.

Please review The Emily Post Institute's Invitation Etiquette below and check out www.emilypost.com for more on Everyday Etiquette.

Whether it is to a wedding, a dinner party, shower or gala event, an invitation comes with some important obligations. Here’s a quick guide to keep you on the guest list.

1. RSVP

From the French, it means “Répondez, s’il vous plaît,” or, “Please reply.” This little code has been around for a long time and it’s definitely telling you that your hosts want to know if you are attending. Reply promptly, within a day or two of receiving an invitation.

2. How do I respond? Reply in the manner indicated on the invitation.

• RSVP and no response card: a handwritten response to the host at the return address on the envelope.
• Response Card: fill in and reply by the date indicated and return in the enclosed envelope.
• RSVP with phone number: telephone and make sure to speak in person – answering machines can be unreliable.
• RSVP with email: you may accept or decline electronically.
• Regrets only: reply only if you cannot attend. If your host doesn’t hear from you, he is expecting you!
• No reply requested? Unusual, but it is always polite to let someone know your intentions. A phone call would be sufficient.

3. Is that your final answer?

• Changing a ‘yes’ to a ‘no’ is only acceptable on account of: illness or injury, a death in the family or an unavoidable professional or business conflict. Call your hosts immediately.
• Canceling because you have a “better” offer is a sure fire way to get dropped from ALL the guest lists.
• Being a “no show” is unacceptable.
• Changing a ‘no’ to a ‘yes’ is OK only if it will not upset the hosts’ arrangements.

4. “May I bring…”

Don’t even ask! An invitation is extended to the people the hosts want to invite—and no one else.

• …a date. Some invitations indicate that you may invite a guest or date (Mr. John Evans and Guest) and when you reply, you should indicate whether you are bringing someone, and convey their name.
• …my children. If they were invited, the invitation would have said so.
• … my houseguest. It’s best to decline the invitation, stating the reason. This gives your host the option to extend the invitation to your guests, or not.

5. Say “Thank You.”

Make sure to thank your hosts before you leave, and then again by phone or note the next day.