jaime lee event planning

"When I had this garden party for my father's birthday right? I said R.S.V.P. because it was a sit-down dinner. But people came that like, did not R.S.V.P. so I was like, totally buggin'. I had to haul ass to the kitchen, redistribute the food, squish in extra place settings, but by the end of the day t was, like, the more the merrier ..."

It's probably happened to you at some point and, like Cher, you made the best of it and things turned out just fine. But I keep hearing more and more these days that hosts are not receiving firm R.S.V.P.'s for their events and it's causing unnecessary hassles for those who are kind enough to extend invitations. Among many headaches are difficulty in planning food quantities, uncertainty over the number of party favors and difficulties in planning appropriate seating, just to name a few. If R.S.V.P. is written on an invitation, it means the invited guest or guests must tell the host whether or not they plan to attend the party. It does not mean respond only if you're coming. It does not mean respond only if you're not coming. It means the host needs a definite head count for the planned event, and needs it by the date specified on the invitation. The Emily Post Institute says R.S.V.P.ing is the most important responsibility guests have, and not following through is inexcusably lazy, thoughtless and rude. For a bride trying to plan a wedding, it can be her worst nightmare. The cost of everything increases exponentially with the guest list.

The R.S.V.P. blow-off is a frustrating anomaly in the world of entertaining. R.S.V.P.ing is not complicated; "It's a two-part process. I invite you, you tell me if you're coming," says the author of "The Everything Etiquette Book: A Modern-Day Guide to Good Manners. "I have no idea what your social calendar is like. I'm not a mind reader. I'm just trying to throw a party." Also worth noting is the R.S.V.P. fake-out. If you tell a host you are attending an event, barring serious illness or Acts of God, you are obligated to attend. Blowing off an event you've committed to for a "better" one or because you're too tired is unacceptable. It's disrespectful. It's an abuse of the host's time, money and effort. And it's just plain rude. (I hate to betray my own generation, but I see this extremely often among my age group and it's absolutely infuriating.)

In short, there's no excuse for not R.S.V.P.ing. Those whom you've disrespected will absolutely remember your R.S.V.P. habits (and tell everyone who will listen), and eventually, if not immediately, you will be blacklisted.

Please review The Emily Post Institute's Invitation Etiquette below and check out www.emilypost.com for more on Everyday Etiquette.

Whether it is to a wedding, a dinner party, shower or gala event, an invitation comes with some important obligations. Here’s a quick guide to keep you on the guest list.

1. RSVP

From the French, it means “Répondez, s’il vous plaît,” or, “Please reply.” This little code has been around for a long time and it’s definitely telling you that your hosts want to know if you are attending. Reply promptly, within a day or two of receiving an invitation.

2. How do I respond? Reply in the manner indicated on the invitation.

• RSVP and no response card: a handwritten response to the host at the return address on the envelope.
• Response Card: fill in and reply by the date indicated and return in the enclosed envelope.
• RSVP with phone number: telephone and make sure to speak in person – answering machines can be unreliable.
• RSVP with email: you may accept or decline electronically.
• Regrets only: reply only if you cannot attend. If your host doesn’t hear from you, he is expecting you!
• No reply requested? Unusual, but it is always polite to let someone know your intentions. A phone call would be sufficient.

3. Is that your final answer?

• Changing a ‘yes’ to a ‘no’ is only acceptable on account of: illness or injury, a death in the family or an unavoidable professional or business conflict. Call your hosts immediately.
• Canceling because you have a “better” offer is a sure fire way to get dropped from ALL the guest lists.
• Being a “no show” is unacceptable.
• Changing a ‘no’ to a ‘yes’ is OK only if it will not upset the hosts’ arrangements.

4. “May I bring…”

Don’t even ask! An invitation is extended to the people the hosts want to invite—and no one else.

• …a date. Some invitations indicate that you may invite a guest or date (Mr. John Evans and Guest) and when you reply, you should indicate whether you are bringing someone, and convey their name.
• …my children. If they were invited, the invitation would have said so.
• … my houseguest. It’s best to decline the invitation, stating the reason. This gives your host the option to extend the invitation to your guests, or not.

5. Say “Thank You.”

Make sure to thank your hosts before you leave, and then again by phone or note the next day.